Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
Shop deviantART for the
holidays and save BIG!
Click here! :holly:
[x]

deviantART

 

Random Downtown Encounter: 1 by ~cool4dude:iconcool4dude:





This hobo has eyes
like empty snow globes
the scenery is still there
but it just doesn't seem to sparkle
as Sahara desert lips part at an oasis
slowing drying up like curbside puddles
mixed with dreams and gasoline
forming urban rainbows mirrored on his t-shirt
in blood stains
cheeto stains
mustard stains
grass stains
and an unidentifiable splotch of something
vaguely blue like his eyes but brighter
then his voice fills the air like a tree
tipping over slowly creaking and cracking
then a rumble and THUD:

Do you have any spare change?

without hesitation comes:

No sorry-

I can tell when his sigh sort of sounds
like a pigeon that he's not sure I'm honest

I can tell three steps later when I pat my pockets
that I'm not sure either
©2005-2009 ~cool4dude
:iconcool4dude:

Author's Comments

This is Random Downtown Encounter #1. Currently I have written... 1 Random Downtown Encouter. This is it. Maybe there will be more some day. Maybe not. Maybe I will add punctuation. Probably not. It's a big run on sentance. Deal with it I guess.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconlady-x:
sahara, or sahari? :giggle:

again, i like this. you've such a wonderful use of imagery :aww:
:iconaudacious-mind:
indeed, imagry is excellent, plus the run on sentence idea rocks..............usless punctuation

--
Super perfundo on the eve of your day
:iconsahroe:
Love the loping off-kilter rhythm. Feels kind of like the hobo himself. Assonance in the first 2 lines grabbed me right off the bat (I love alliteration). The final lines really punch the poem home too.

I don't really like the 13th line though. Something about it throws off the wobble of the poem. It's the word "something" I'm sure. Every thing else in the poem feels so concrete, even if it's vague.


I saw a homeless guy approach a nun the other day and she told him that she had no change either. I though it was weird. Not that nuns don't carry money, or don't have pockets to put things in, but that she turned away a homeless man with a simple "no."
:iconcool4dude:
:wow: a comment? on a poem? from you? Hehe, wowzers, many thanks for both your kindness and constructiveness.

--
:cheese: Somebody should go stand with the cheese...it's alone :cheese:
:iconsahroe:
And if you look closely, you'll noticed that I faved it too. Weinie. =P
:iconcool4dude:
yes, and many thanks for that as well

--
:cheese: Somebody should go stand with the cheese...it's alone :cheese:
:iconapricotafterthot:
All the Sssses make this very fantastical to read.

A well described, commonly experienced moment. I like it like this.

--
"Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is not truth. Truth is not beauty. Beauty is not love. Love is not music. Music is the best." -Frank Zappa
:iconwracky:
i liked it. :shrug:

--
"I was once praying to God and suddenly realized I was talking to myself."

Details

June 7, 2005
1,021 bytes
4.5 KB
250×94

Statistics

11
5 [who?]
149 (0 today)
6 (0 today)

Site Map