Through Space to Nothing

Day 1
It's amazing, like the first time at the playground.
And the slide seems so tall,
but I have to get to the top of it,
so I look around, to see if any one is watching,
and it seems like every one is watching.
That can't stop my mission,
so I climb all the way to the top,
fully expecting to take days to admire the swings
from this new found angle,
but the ground calls my name.
Whispers actually,
the pavement opens, and its tongue allows all the letters
to flow out, sounding remarkably like my mom.
Wind lets the sound float away so slowly
my name lingers and I finally take the proper sliding position.
I have to take one last glance, to absorb the moment,
and a breath to fully take in the experience.
The air feels like religion.
Like god.
Like I have found what I need
to wake up in the morning
and not only shower
but to desire the cleanliness.

Day 10
Windows are a blessing.
The gray of everything in here
gets separated out there.
Into a marvelous black
untainted by any hand,
unfaded by years of dust,
contrasting the pure whiteness.
Energy without greed.
With no desire of taking over
the lazy antonym.

Day 17
Conversation lasts long into the night.
or day.
or whatever you'd like call time
in a sunless existence.
I assure you, it takes quite awhile
but no one really listens,
words just float by like planets.
It's Venus,
It's Mars,
It's Hello,
It's Love,
I appreciate the view
but it's all quite useless.

Day 36
We almost got pulled in like mosquitoes to a zapper.
The blue glow was the same
but it was the draw to halos,
rather than lights
that made this crew throw aside logic.
Rings are beautiful, not shimmering gold with diamonds
but glittering through eternity with hope
of purely existing.

Cronus, you titan, creator
of Zeus,
of Hades.

I know how it is to be that younger brother,
to see the siblings driving cars.
Starting wars.

Oh, the glory of your own chaos.
Castration, it's love.
Children, are hate.
Oh the confused emotions of the moment,
swallow it up
take your offspring placebo pill,
take a nap.

I'd gladly take your halo from you,
just let us pass safely today
without disturbance from jealous electricity.

Always did want a life.

Day 67
When my crew calls me
their unified voice echoes,
and it's eerie
Like hearing my dad
call my name
so I'll come inside for dinner
even though he's been dead
for 7 years.

Sometimes I forget we're in a ship,
seems like space is all around us
seems like space is all we are.

Life needs gravitation.
We choose ours.

Sound shouldn't be here,
it should be traveling
slower than I can see

towards some galaxy
I hope we'll never reach.

Day 72
Memories on earth
cannot be left on earth
But they can be forgotten
I have forgotten her eyes
Though each sphere we pass
reminds me of my arms around her
Asteroid belt, rotating moons
all in circler motions, around her body
wanting so much to hold tighter
but with the inability
She belongs to another
and I belong to Neptune
I may circle around her
and gaze from a distance
but I can't look directly
without damaging my eyes
and an even greater threat of remembering
the color of her eyes.

Day 90
Self-sufficiency is another word for boredom
like when you arrange socks in order of the first time you wore them.

"How do you remember that?" I inquired to a crew member.

Her name escaped me, long ago
or perhaps it was released on good behavior.
I’m sure its crime wasn't that bad.

"Oh, it's just a little trick I use to stay sane up here," she laughed.

How could she laugh? That wasn't funny,
to stay sane? With socks? clearly she could see her lack of logic
caused the very thing she was avoiding.

"Right" I said,
and muttered, "and I hoped I was getting away
from humanity on this mission."


Day 112
I looked at her in a way that’s not permitted for strangers,
like I had known her since birth.
Since cookies and juice were dates,
and we still barely knew each other.
But what we did know was enough
to know that it was what we wanted.
I looked at her in a way that must have made her quiver.
With lust.
With fear.
Perhaps just disturbance in the window
Vibrations.
Her lips move,
"What are you looking at?" a voice behind me states.
"Just some one I once knew."

Day 140
I would give a week’s worth of food rations
just to see another ship out there,
even hostile,
just for the brief action in my day.
A Romulan Warbird perhaps,
with phasers ready.
Just another word for laser.
I can picture it now:

"Holy shit Captain, there are red dots all over
our vessel, and I have 20/20 vision."

Day 180
What can be said about stars
and blackness
and stars
and blackness
and stars
and blackness?
A stretched and broken chessboard.

We are a pawn.
The king will never be put into check.

Day 247
Our propulsion systems failed today,
perhaps with sheer boredom of functioning.
With that same influence, I set outside to attempt repairs.

A wire umbilical cord kept me connected to my crew.
"Don't cut me loose," I prayed "Don't cut me loose"

And as my nervous breath hit the clear glass helmet
securing air to my lungs, fog appeared
like my soul painting a self portrait.

It takes a moment to disappear,
to display the rusted exterior to the womb I had remembered.
With realizations of age and function,
the mission hit me again,
like a child throwing a boomerang for the second time.

This ship will die, and we will die with it.

I returned, like homesick abortion
to a strangely familiar grave,
and no hopes of diverting course.

We will go straight forward for eternity
without ever experiencing one more sun set,
sun rise, moon rise
or swing set.